Answering questions - avoiding shame & giving face

A striking aspect of Chinese culture for non-Chinese people is the high regard with which a Chinese person holds their own culture, history, nation and people. To cast dispersion on any of these aspects as a non-Chinese person, is to, potentially at least, cause great offense. This is true even when a Chinese person themselves openly criticizes an aspect of their own culture. The Chinese person is usually doing this as an expression of modesty and humility - characteristics that have been of great importance in traditional Chinese culture (note: this is changing). However for a non-Chinese person to criticize any aspect of Chinese culture, or to even agree with the criticism a Chinese person has just given, is to shame and humiliate the Chinese people in general. As Chinese people tend to think corporately, any criticism of their culture, history, nation, etc., is a criticism of both themselves personally and more importantly, of all Chinese people everywhere. This causes them great shame and since it is a culture that by-and-large seeks to gain honour and avoid shame, great harm to the relationship can be caused.

So if a Chinese person asks you a question that you think may involve you giving a potentially offensive answer, what can you do?

Firstly here is an example of what not to do:

Chinese person - What do you think of our city so far?

Western person - I have quite enjoyed it.

Chinese person - It's very polluted unfortunately, don't you think?

Western person - Well yes it is quite polluted.

(Silence)


Here is a better way to answer:

Chinese person - What do you think of our city so far?

Western person - I have quite enjoyed it.

Chinese person - It's very polluted unfortunately, don't you think?

Western person - But I love the food so much - it's so hot and spicy.

Chinese person - Yes I really like the food too!

A western person may think this is to be slightly deceptive answer as it isn't really answering the question, but from a Chinese perspective this is perfectly acceptable. Chinese people themselves tend to avoid giving direct answers especially when it may cause someone shame or embarrassment. If a non-Chinese person answers this way a Chinese person will hear you implicitly agreeing with what they have just said and yet will greatly appreciate the way you have avoided shaming them and have rather sought to give them and therefore their people 'face,' i.e. honour them. This answer also helps the non-Chinese person to avoid the dilemma of either lying or saying nothing at all.

Please note: As your relationship (guanxi) deepens you can be more forward but this takes time and the Chinese person must know you value and esteem the Chinese people first.